Falling

I know I love you,
But I am just not sure if you still love me too,

You leave me hanging like I am hanging on a cliff,
Ready to fall down to earth and die a painfull death ....

You do not understand where I am coming from,

You are the person where I seemed to have searched for all my life,
And now you are in my reach you are still so far away ...

I had a difficult life so far,
But that all seemd to faid when I looked into your eyes. ..

But now you leave me hanging,
You seem not certain if this is what you want.
If I am what you want.

But whatever your choise is...
Just make sure you know mine ...

I wil love you till the end of days ...
If there is something like reincarnation and I remember you even the slightest bit I will go looking for you .

I will die a thousand death's if it means I could be with you...

But a gazillion other things seem more important in your life ...

And even if everything else is more important that does not matter to me...
you are the one that matters,

You ;re the one that holds my heart ...

Just dont lose your grip or forget that I am hanging on a cliff

Just don't let me fall to the ground ...
Because if you let me fall to the ground ...
I know for sure a big piece of me will die ..

I love you and that is all what matters ....
Please just come back to me ...

So figure out what you want, if it is me or something else out of life ...
But just stop doing this to me ....

It hurts to much to see how unimportant I am
It hurts to damn much....
Like i am already falling and heading for the ground ...
I do not ask for much in life ...
All I ask you is ... Please do not let me fall and hit the ground ...

I love you ...

Thank you for taking care of me

I havent written for a long time
Because I just didn't know how or what I should write

I have been puzzeling and trying to find my way.
I have been lost lately not knowing what I do and what i don't want out of my life

but no matter how lost I get

I know I want to be with you

You can always make me smile,
Even when I would like to just dig a hole crawl into it and die
you make me want to open up,
even tho all I want to do is to crawl in a corner and cry all day long,

I have been sad not knowing what is my fault what happend to me in my life
And what is someone elses

I have been changing my view I had of the world

Sometimes I cry not knowing what I should be thinking or should be feeling,
Or when a feeling shows up out of my past,

When I remember that I opend up,
Like really opend up letting everything down that protected me and I got turned away
When I remember those times all I want to do is cry.... Just cry for what happend and what was

Now i found you I see that I love you
I see that I Miss you when you are not near...

It is weird it is like you are a pièce of me a happy one and that if you are not close to me I don't know where to turn

You are my safe haven,
My harbour where I can just be myself and show my pain without being laughed at or turned away....
Atleast I hope so

I apologize for it that I put that burden on you.....

That I put it on you to help me Guide me through my pain

To help me Find me who I am again
But the better version because you opended my eyes to other ways too perceive
To see myself as a better person...

You once asked if it helpen that you said nice things about me
yes it does,
It is hard to see it but I believe it when you tell me and look deep in too your eyes.
When I look in your eyes I believe I am all those things you say.
And every day I start believing it a little more even if you are not around me and I can't see your eyes, even then I simply believe that you really mean it and believing that makes comes easier to me every day ...... I hope I am not wrong for believing in it ?


You make me a better person
À proud person

But it is hard to find a new way,
Because I can't go back to my old self and old ways I realise that,

But finding a new path is hard and a struggle and that's I what you have seen me do the last few days.....

This is just a message so that everybody can read that I am thankfull that you stick with me even tho it has been hard for me lately ... Even though I have been Sad...

You have been there for me always making me smile,
Always making me laugh
And most Importantly to let me remember what good there is in me which you see,
That you help me remember that there is a reason to love the world Because you are in it, remember that even when I break someone .... Not just someone you Will be there to catch me and hold me... And care that I am Sad.....

I think that that is a important reason why I have been able to cry lately even though I havent been for years.....

I couldn't cry for years Because I knew nobody would care Or that they would be glad I was Crying Because that would mean they had won ....

But Now I know if I cry someone does care .... So Now I met you I can finaly start to heal and better myself.... Because I know you care... or atleast I believe you do

And for that I thank you very much ..... I love you.....

I'm sorry for what I might have done wrong

It is horrible,
When you know that the person you love,

That the person you care about is mad at you or indiffrent.
It is awfull to feel that lost to wonder.....


To just wonder is he still mad,
does he still love me,
am I still worth the things he thought I was worth before,

Because I know I was not worthy of it in the first place.

The thought of what he might be doing can be unbearable...
Did he found someone better then me ...

Because you just know he deserves better
and there are alot of better things out there then you...
you just wonder ...

if he finally found something better to do then waste you time on you...
when they become distant...

But even though these thoughts will keep me up all night...

I somewhere hope that he still loves me....
Still cares ... that the distance I feel is just a illusion..

Or do I just simply miss him so much that I imagine him being disant while he is in fact not...

All I know is that I love him and that he has my heart ...

So for whatever I did wrong ...
I hope that he could find within his heart the strength to forgive ,,,
That he may have sweet dreams tonight....
because I know I will be thinking of him...
and miss him tonight....

love is everything

There was a time when I didn't believe love excisted.
And that if it was out there it would never be meant for me.

That is why I always thought that I would not go and try to find love,
Because if I would find it,
it would only hurt me,
or atleast so I thought

But then there was you,
At first a bit arrogant,
But when I got to know you with the purest heart

When you smile at me I melt away,
But that is not everything you challenge me,
You understand me,
and you say you love me ....

The last one I can just hope for it to be true,
Because for the rest I know for sure,
You are special really one of a kind,

I sometimes even think I found one of the last good guys,

So sometimes I look back uppon the time,
that I did believe in love but not for me in this life time,
But then there was you and you changed everything,


Me loving you changed me,
My life got rearranged,

You are everything to me,
So know that I love you,
And I can just hope you really love me too.

Footsteps

nobody can compare to you..

you are the best person I ever met

You are awesome and very close to perfect…

But you are already perfect for me.

You are great or at least, very close to become what will be great…

Because you are so great you cast a very big shadow,

Therefore everybody stands in your shadow

You are leaving a very big shoe print in my life when you walk in and out daily,

Not only in my life but in everyone’s.

Your shoe print is very big and it will leave an emptiness when you are gone

I will miss you always when you are not near…

And you say that I should do something else with my time when you are not around

Or be busy with someone else

but nobody  will ever be able to fill the footsteps you leave behind,

So as long you are not here …

There will be an emptiness inside of me…

Because you are perfect to me,

You are so great that nobody can compare to how great you are

And nothing, no matter what I do, or who I am with,

Nothing will stop me from missing you, because nobody is good enough compared to you..

And no hobby is nicer than being around you…

You are just so perfect for me 

Failure

Now I need you the most you are so far away...
I just need to hear your voice telling me everything will be okay ...
That you still love me,

Right now I don't feel good enough for anybody
And certainly not for you...

You are so amazing, so great ,...

And I,

I am nothing but a failure ...
Someone naggs and bitches when I feel down..

You were right not contacting me when I needed you.
I was in a dark place and I wouldn't have been nice to you.

You only deserve the best ...
I don't want you to see me in a dark place.
See the person I can be at times...

Because you are great and amazing,
Therefore I need to be great and amazing...
Or atleast try to be...
Even though I know I will fail...

Tonight I will be so lonely...
So cold...

Because I feel cold and lonely,
I feel worthless

But you are worth everything so I will keep working,

Keep working, working working, untill I come near to the person you deserve to have ,...

I love you

A piece of me

Sometimes we hit rough patches… But you and I both know it will be fine.

Because whatever we go through we love each other and nothing is stronger than that

I love being with you… And when I am not near you

I feel empty inside,

Like something is missing,

Therefore I need you with me

Because when you’re not with me,

A piece of me is missing…

And not just a piece one of the more brighter parts …

I love you with all my heart…

And you are my heart

Thanks to you I want to be a better person,

Thanks to you I have a reason to love life….

Because life is loving someone and being loved…

And I know for sure that I love you …. 

Wrong assumptions

Everybody who knows me knows I make a lot of assumptions… and it annoys the crap out of most people…

But I don’t assume anything to be happy about it because mostly the things I assume aren’t good.. but usually put a bright light on everything that could be wrong or bad.

I know not everybody deserves my wrong assumptions.. but I can’t help it.

Since I have been hurt so much by lies and gossip. I just need to know the truth

And if that means making my own truth or believe what I think because that person wont enlighten me what is really the truth I will have to believe in my assumptions… That is what I promised myself..

Only that way I wouldn’t be hurt anymore by the not knowing the truth or lies I make myself believe the worst because,

That only means it could turn out better than I thought.

You have to understand I wasn’t always like that I didn’t always assume the worst or the most dark side of people…

But once upon a time a long time ago it seems like a fairytale so far away …

I wasn’t like that .. I believed in the good..

I believed in the good of people and that they were truthfully to me

But that is a long time ago…

All that changed because people kept lying and badgering my good faith in them.

And a long long time ago I reached a point I couldn’t take it anymore and started to fill in the worst possibilities so it could only be better than I thought and that I couldn’t get hurt.

So I didn’t have to fear, be in in pain or distrust the truths people told me …

But you just might be that person who could change that part in me … As soon as I know you always tell the truth…

Because when I can trust your truthful I can rest my head in your arms and stop fighting the world..

Everybody should know how much I need to rest… it is like I haven’t rested in ages.

Like I have been running for my life and haven’t been able to stop.

Like I felt from one pain in the other, broke down build everything up again and as soon I was standing someone else would come along to break it down again.

But I am starting to get faith. Faith in the fact that you won’t break me down.

Every time you kiss me, every time you hold me tight. I just hope I am right because if I am wrong I will be shattered in so many pieces I don’t know if I would be ever able to fix myself then….

So know that every kiss, every touch, every word matters to me.. I opened up to you ..

Because I couldn’t stop it to let you in… Because my love for you is as bright as the sun shines on the brightest days….

But I see now that I hurt you with my wrong assumptions… and everybody else too… so it is selfish to keep protecting myself that way… I will try to change that because your worth everything… But just know I have been that way as long I can remember… But for you I will change… Do the one thing I promised myself to never do… I will be vulnerable again… Because your worth it

So when I change for you, because I want to take the change with you.. and not be so selfish anymore to just protect myself to protect my heart… Just know I don’t want to mess this up..

Remember that every time I make a mistake, or be hurtful towards you.

You want me to be the best I can.. To become a better person..

But that won’t happen with a lot of bumps in the roads and fights…

Just know that you touched my life in so many ways I cant describe.

You could just be the one I have been waiting for my whole life.. 

Or to be truthful I am past that stage I know you have been what I have been waiting for my whole life… so be patient with me …. And don’t say goodbye… Stay at my side…

Let me stay at your side the rest of my life.. Because I want to be with you. You’re a piece of me …

So know wherever you are… wherever we are in our life’s… I am still here for you…

Because I love you and always will..