Thank you for taking care of me

I havent written for a long time
Because I just didn't know how or what I should write

I have been puzzeling and trying to find my way.
I have been lost lately not knowing what I do and what i don't want out of my life

but no matter how lost I get

I know I want to be with you

You can always make me smile,
Even when I would like to just dig a hole crawl into it and die
you make me want to open up,
even tho all I want to do is to crawl in a corner and cry all day long,

I have been sad not knowing what is my fault what happend to me in my life
And what is someone elses

I have been changing my view I had of the world

Sometimes I cry not knowing what I should be thinking or should be feeling,
Or when a feeling shows up out of my past,

When I remember that I opend up,
Like really opend up letting everything down that protected me and I got turned away
When I remember those times all I want to do is cry.... Just cry for what happend and what was

Now i found you I see that I love you
I see that I Miss you when you are not near...

It is weird it is like you are a pièce of me a happy one and that if you are not close to me I don't know where to turn

You are my safe haven,
My harbour where I can just be myself and show my pain without being laughed at or turned away....
Atleast I hope so

I apologize for it that I put that burden on you.....

That I put it on you to help me Guide me through my pain

To help me Find me who I am again
But the better version because you opended my eyes to other ways too perceive
To see myself as a better person...

You once asked if it helpen that you said nice things about me
yes it does,
It is hard to see it but I believe it when you tell me and look deep in too your eyes.
When I look in your eyes I believe I am all those things you say.
And every day I start believing it a little more even if you are not around me and I can't see your eyes, even then I simply believe that you really mean it and believing that makes comes easier to me every day ...... I hope I am not wrong for believing in it ?


You make me a better person
À proud person

But it is hard to find a new way,
Because I can't go back to my old self and old ways I realise that,

But finding a new path is hard and a struggle and that's I what you have seen me do the last few days.....

This is just a message so that everybody can read that I am thankfull that you stick with me even tho it has been hard for me lately ... Even though I have been Sad...

You have been there for me always making me smile,
Always making me laugh
And most Importantly to let me remember what good there is in me which you see,
That you help me remember that there is a reason to love the world Because you are in it, remember that even when I break someone .... Not just someone you Will be there to catch me and hold me... And care that I am Sad.....

I think that that is a important reason why I have been able to cry lately even though I havent been for years.....

I couldn't cry for years Because I knew nobody would care Or that they would be glad I was Crying Because that would mean they had won ....

But Now I know if I cry someone does care .... So Now I met you I can finaly start to heal and better myself.... Because I know you care... or atleast I believe you do

And for that I thank you very much ..... I love you.....

I'm sorry for what I might have done wrong

It is horrible,
When you know that the person you love,

That the person you care about is mad at you or indiffrent.
It is awfull to feel that lost to wonder.....


To just wonder is he still mad,
does he still love me,
am I still worth the things he thought I was worth before,

Because I know I was not worthy of it in the first place.

The thought of what he might be doing can be unbearable...
Did he found someone better then me ...

Because you just know he deserves better
and there are alot of better things out there then you...
you just wonder ...

if he finally found something better to do then waste you time on you...
when they become distant...

But even though these thoughts will keep me up all night...

I somewhere hope that he still loves me....
Still cares ... that the distance I feel is just a illusion..

Or do I just simply miss him so much that I imagine him being disant while he is in fact not...

All I know is that I love him and that he has my heart ...

So for whatever I did wrong ...
I hope that he could find within his heart the strength to forgive ,,,
That he may have sweet dreams tonight....
because I know I will be thinking of him...
and miss him tonight....

you dont know how you touched my life....

Today is the day all I can think about is that I want you here

Need you here …

I want to hear the sound of your voice, feel your arms wrapped around me during the night .. Because that Is the only way I can sleep..

Because I know you’re the only one who will keep me safe… or at least I hope you will

Now I know the time is coming near you cannot be as much around me as before it hurts.

You’re the only thing I really want to have. And I need you beside me every night

Because I think I finally found the place where I can finally find some peace.

But that place is with you

So at the times you’re not with me the peace and the love is gone…

And I miss you every second when you’re not near..  

So be here whenever you can with me your arms wrapped around me holding me tight…

So know that wherever I am .. wherever I go your always welcome to be with me..

You always welcome to just walk in… I would never mind… I would just love to see your face

So come to my place whenever you can.. because without you it isn’t home

Because for me you are my home as soon you wrap your arms around me

It doesn’t matter where.. It the only place I want to be

So come back here soon… so I can be home again…

I miss you…. And I hope that I really am right with what I think about you.

That you will keep me save…

I think I found my destiny with you but I just hope I am not wrong…

I love you wherever you are

But be aware. .. I got hurt enough…

I am not the easiest person to be around with and I realize that…

But whenever I am putting you through hardship .. know I trust you not to hurt me…

Because for that I am still afraid…

So keep my trust and don’t hurt me please..

Because I have been hurt enough… and I can’t bear any more pain for a while …

Just know whenever I am being hard to be around

That I love you and that you have my heart…

I hope that makes it easier to put up with me…

When I am trying to become the person you want…

Just give it time… Because I love you for real so try to stick around…

Therefore please be patient with me so I can show how much…

I love you, trust you, have faith in you and want to be with you … 

The road ahead

Today i am afraid. Afraid that i will loose things that i hold important to me.
That i will loose the things i cherish or the person i always were.

Change isn’t always good and things have been changing in my life lately.

A lot of people have judged me and a lot of people will keep judging me.

And I know I haven’t always been the person I want to be or a good person for that matter

Or at least that is what the people around me tell me

But for the people who really know me they know I am trying

They know I am trying to become the person I always wanted to be

That I am trying to become a better person then I am right now

But the people that know me, know as well that when I cherish you and love you

There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you

Nothing I would give up to help you out

Nothing I wouldn’t do to make you feel save and cherished.

I hope those people realize that… because when the people I love see it that is enough for me.

Or not really but when the people I love see that I am trying that makes it worth all the effort that it takes to change

And I hope that one day I will reach my goal and become a better person.

So that people don’t see me as a awful person or at least not judge me like one anymore.

That the people I love and hold dear are happy to be seen with me,

Or aren’t ashamed to know me

And are happy to be around me and not be afraid to be judged by others that they hang out with me

That’s my new goal and I’m working on it but a goal like that takes time…

And I hope that anytime in the future I can say ... that I’m a good person.. I hope that time will come

And the day I will be able to say I ‘m a good person I will be happy.

Not for myself but for the people around me that I finally can be the person they deserve.

Because the people around me deserve the best I can be

So that is why I will keep working on myself, will keep trying.

No matter how hard it is or how much effort it takes or how much it will hurt me.

So that one day I can be the person the people I love deserve, and they only deserve the best

So I have a long road ahead of me and a lot of mountains to conquer … but maybe one day I will reach my destination and will become the person everybody deserves.