Thank you for taking care of me

I havent written for a long time
Because I just didn't know how or what I should write

I have been puzzeling and trying to find my way.
I have been lost lately not knowing what I do and what i don't want out of my life

but no matter how lost I get

I know I want to be with you

You can always make me smile,
Even when I would like to just dig a hole crawl into it and die
you make me want to open up,
even tho all I want to do is to crawl in a corner and cry all day long,

I have been sad not knowing what is my fault what happend to me in my life
And what is someone elses

I have been changing my view I had of the world

Sometimes I cry not knowing what I should be thinking or should be feeling,
Or when a feeling shows up out of my past,

When I remember that I opend up,
Like really opend up letting everything down that protected me and I got turned away
When I remember those times all I want to do is cry.... Just cry for what happend and what was

Now i found you I see that I love you
I see that I Miss you when you are not near...

It is weird it is like you are a pièce of me a happy one and that if you are not close to me I don't know where to turn

You are my safe haven,
My harbour where I can just be myself and show my pain without being laughed at or turned away....
Atleast I hope so

I apologize for it that I put that burden on you.....

That I put it on you to help me Guide me through my pain

To help me Find me who I am again
But the better version because you opended my eyes to other ways too perceive
To see myself as a better person...

You once asked if it helpen that you said nice things about me
yes it does,
It is hard to see it but I believe it when you tell me and look deep in too your eyes.
When I look in your eyes I believe I am all those things you say.
And every day I start believing it a little more even if you are not around me and I can't see your eyes, even then I simply believe that you really mean it and believing that makes comes easier to me every day ...... I hope I am not wrong for believing in it ?


You make me a better person
À proud person

But it is hard to find a new way,
Because I can't go back to my old self and old ways I realise that,

But finding a new path is hard and a struggle and that's I what you have seen me do the last few days.....

This is just a message so that everybody can read that I am thankfull that you stick with me even tho it has been hard for me lately ... Even though I have been Sad...

You have been there for me always making me smile,
Always making me laugh
And most Importantly to let me remember what good there is in me which you see,
That you help me remember that there is a reason to love the world Because you are in it, remember that even when I break someone .... Not just someone you Will be there to catch me and hold me... And care that I am Sad.....

I think that that is a important reason why I have been able to cry lately even though I havent been for years.....

I couldn't cry for years Because I knew nobody would care Or that they would be glad I was Crying Because that would mean they had won ....

But Now I know if I cry someone does care .... So Now I met you I can finaly start to heal and better myself.... Because I know you care... or atleast I believe you do

And for that I thank you very much ..... I love you.....

love is everything

There was a time when I didn't believe love excisted.
And that if it was out there it would never be meant for me.

That is why I always thought that I would not go and try to find love,
Because if I would find it,
it would only hurt me,
or atleast so I thought

But then there was you,
At first a bit arrogant,
But when I got to know you with the purest heart

When you smile at me I melt away,
But that is not everything you challenge me,
You understand me,
and you say you love me ....

The last one I can just hope for it to be true,
Because for the rest I know for sure,
You are special really one of a kind,

I sometimes even think I found one of the last good guys,

So sometimes I look back uppon the time,
that I did believe in love but not for me in this life time,
But then there was you and you changed everything,


Me loving you changed me,
My life got rearranged,

You are everything to me,
So know that I love you,
And I can just hope you really love me too.

Not good enough

What I will be writing right now is very different then I usually write. This time I will be writing about my worries because right now I am very worried and annoyed so I had to write it down to be able to handle it… Because right now at this point I am just mad, sad and lonely

Being with you everything is always perfect… I love being with you more then I love to be anywhere else in the world.. But there is always one negative downside…. 

Parents I am worrying that you’re parents thing I am not good enough… and worrying that my parents think I am not smart enough to make my own choices (knowing that one of the choices I made is to be with you… nothing will change that because I am very happy with that choice)… worrying about my parents not letting me go and making the one good thing I have in my life … being you…. Very hard to enjoy…

 My mother suddenly out of the nowhere started complaining that I wasn’t answering her questions but I was …. And now she isn’t texting back so I assume she is mad or something like that…

It is just annoying how it seems that I can’t do anything right with anybody. Everybody wants me to make different choices, have another opinion… be more like that other person… Or basicly everybody wants me to be someone else…

And I tried I tried to be what everybody asked me I changed and changed… over and over again. But nothing ever seems enough. No matter how hard I try how much I change there is always something else they think is not right. Or not how they want it to be…

But nobody ever asks me to be just me … Because no matter how much flaws I have ( yes I have many flaws) they will still love me anyhow …

But that is not how the world works everybody wants me to change ,

And it is driving me crazy !!

Why doesn’t anyone accept me the way I am.. A bitchy person, with a little heart, who will be loyal to everybody who just loves her … who deserve my trust …

But no there is always something wrong with me and no matter how hard I try…

Everybody around me will be trying harder to find my faults…

And they will succeed because I have my faults a lot of them…

So I am going crazy …. I just wished I could talk to you right now because you always know the right thing to say….

But I can’t reach you at the moment…

So now I will just be going crazy …

And hope that I won’t lash out and hurt someone I love

Because everybody  deserves the best of me no matter if they keep throwing my faults in my face…

I hope I can talk to you soon so I can calm down and find my peace again…

And feel at my place again …. 

New Year 's Eve

Today is the day of New Year’s Eve,

When the sun came up a new day started

And when the sun goes leaves is in the dark tonight when it goes down

A new year will be starting,

First of all I would like to wish you all a good new year,

That everything may be peaceful and full of happiness for every single one of you.

That for the people who have been going through a though time find a way to leave those behind them, and those who haven’t been the best person they could be that they will better themselves and therefore make the life of others better as well..

So be kind to the others around you threat the people the way you would want to be threated yourself. Make a promise to yourself to make yourself a better and nicer person to be around even though most of you already are good people I believe the people you love always deserve the best you got. Therefore I believe that everyone should promise themselves every year to become a better person, a kinder person even if it is just for a little while.

And for myself I of course promise myself to become a better person so the people I love will get the best, and only the best is what they deserve.

It is a New Year. Therefore a new beginning I will leave everything behind me what went wrong in 2011 and let it stay there. This new year is a new start for all of us.

2012 is important to me it is a new start for me, a new beginning for me, a new start where I waited for so long. And for the person I love who can’t be with me today. I love you a lot and I wished you were here I will be thinking of you and keeping your heart close to mine not only tonight and this day but for the rest of my life.  So know even though you’re not here I will be thinking of you and wish you the best for this new beginning this new year in which I hope we will spend a lot of time together.

That we will smile, laugh and even sometimes cry

But as long as I am with you everything ( I know it will),

Will be fine..

So I hope I see you soon in this new year that is approaching soon.

And to everyone else I wish you a blessed 2012.

Happy New Year’s 

my wil

My will has been my treasure,
the one who kept me save...

The thing that build me up,
when someone had broken me down.

But now i need to stop depending on my wil
because it only will hurt me,
even though it kept me safe for a long time.

Now there is something better,
now there is you,
And i need to pick hold on to the old and familiar road.
Or make a new path,
because holding on to my old ways will just hurt you and me both..

So i will pick you.. And let go of my safe familiar ways...

But i know it will all be worth it because your a guy everybody dreams of all their life..
And i will even give you my life if that is required..
Therefore i will hold you tight and not let you go again.