A new day...

Okay, today is a new day… and time to do something different. Today is the day I will stop bitching…. Yes I know it sounds weird therefore I will explain… Yesterday I wrote about a guy… And now the case is that we got into a argument yesterday (which I totally hate)… and usually when that happens it happens to be my own fault.. (not always though he has his flaws too like everybody does :P)

It sometimes is my own fault because there are times that i live in the past and not in the present. Because of everything that happened in my past, I’m who I’m this very day (just like everybody else is formed by their past). But with my past comes a lot people usually don’t have to deal with… That’s why I can bitch a lot if I missed a person because when a person I hold dear to me is not near me or if I haven’t seen that person in a long time…  i worry. I seriously worry a lot if they’re not near me. Do they still care… do they still wonder… do they still miss me … and a gazillion questions like that play through my head when the people I love are not with me. And that of course has an effect on my behavior. It makes me hard and cold on the outside (or at least it makes me look hard and cold)… while I wouldn’t want anything else then be able to wrap my arms around them and hug them like they never have been hugged before. Because I love them :D 

So I ask the people I love to understand… if they haven’t been near me… that they understand that I worried and wondered all day… (and I can’t handle wondering and worries well. ) that I am not myself for a while… Just remember if I bitch the reason I bitch is because I care. If I don’t care I will not take the effort to bitch in the first place.

But I know it’s a flaw in my personality that I worry too much so therefore I ask the people I love to understand and give me time… I am working on myself but that is hard and difficult and a long road. But I will get there for the people I love…