guardian angel

Everybody needs someone on the journey they desire to take, everybody needs a guardian angel so to speak.

My last post went about the journey I am going to take, and the changes I want to make. But nobody can do something like that alone nobody is able to bear such heavy weight on their shoulders and get through it alone.

That’s why I blog to tell my story, so I don’t have to think that nobody will be listening. Yes I have a handful of people who love me. They aren’t with many but a handful is enough. But those people do not always understand me. Let alone that they can apprehend what I am trying to do or sadly enough some of them wouldn’t even want to hear what keeps my mind occupied. 

It is already hard to change yourself, but it is even harder when you do it for the people you love and you can see in those people that they don’t approve of you taking on such assignment. When you are trying to conquer some of your demons. 

So instead of figuring out which one would and would not approve of the road I am taking I decided to save myself a lot of heartache and just not tell anybody about it. So I don’t need to confront myself with the fact that a person I thought cared about me actually don’t.

The people who know that I am trying to better myself, know it because I trust them. But that is all they ever will know the fact I want to change, I won’t bug them with the details or how I would try to achieve anything of it.

And to be honest it is a little self-preservation as well. What if they could care less about what you’re doing. That would be hard to bear.

So that’s why I decide to battle my own demons. On my own with nobody at my side. To keep the ones that might give a damn safe from myself and the changes and hardship I am going through I don’t want to put it on their already full and difficult lives.

Because  I love them I will protect them even if that means protect them from myself…

So I will battle my demons on my own… with always one person in particular in mind why I am doing it alone and why I am changing…. You know I love you and I am trying to become a better person for you .. because you only deserve the best ….