Happy Birthday

This week was your Birthday, the day you were born,
I never thought I could be so happy about something that happend in the past while I wasn't even there,

but I still am,
I am happy for the time you were born,
And therefore greatfull for your parents that made that happen,

Because even tho I wasn't there,
even tho I would have wanted to become a part of your life that much sooner if I would have known that you were there,
that you excisted.


Still I am so happy you are born,
looking back in my life I see the diffrence that you could have made if we would have met sooner,
so no doubt in my mind, that if I would have known you and where you were... I would have come for you ,... and run towards you ...

Because now you brighten my life every day, yes sometimes we have our troubles, and even tho I would have liked to have known you sooner, I am greatfull that everything happend as it did...

Because it made you to be the person ... the person you are today... the person I love and trust with all my heart ...
The light at the end of my tunnel,
the bright star in my future.

So even tho I would have liked to know you sooner... faith has waited so long for a reason.... to bring you to me.....we will just have to wait till time reveals what was that reason.....

I am glad you were born, and you already know...
For all my life it felt like I missed something...

A big piece of me....
But when I am with you I do not have that feeling, I just feel whole .... and laying down in your arms I just can't imagine a happier place on earth....

So I missed you in the past, but I know future will make up for it aslong as I get to spend it with you....

Happy Birthday Sweetheart,... and I hope you have many many years ... and if I have it my way .... I would like to be there for all those years...

Congratzz my love ....

I think of you always

I wanted a mansion once... that is until I met you,
Now the only place I want to live is inside your heart

I once desired diamonds... until I met you,
Now the only sparkle I need comes from within

I used to crave the finest clothing... until I met you,
Now I want not a single thread to separate our bodies

I once coveted a fancy car... until I met you,
Now I want nothing that would put miles between us

I once prayed for money... until I met you,
Now I want none of the things money can buy

I once yearned for a sense of security... until I met you,
Now my only security comes is knowing you are near

I once dreamt of a prestigious job... until I met you,
Now I find my success in knowing that you are happy

I once asked for the world on a silver platter... until I met you,
Now you are my world and I want for nothing but your touch

Loving you has been my teacher; you taught me not to want
Being with you has been my discovery; you are all that I need

Finding you has been my salvation, I now understand grateful
But perhaps of most importantly...
Your love in return has been my everything

I love you.. always

It has been a long time...

since I last came on here and wrote something....

but today I just felt like I had to write something ...

It is important that the person I love remembers that I did not forget him. That I love him just as much.. or even more then the day before ...

Even though I not always show it I am always greatful you are here with me, or when I can just hear the sound of your voice....

I know I can be stupid, or even a pain in the ass at times ...

But generally overall I just love you even if I do not show you.that at times...

I do not have one bad feeling towards you at or in my heart ...
Sometimes I say awfull things, but that just means I lost my way... and lost the right words that belong to describe you....

Because if I would realise how awfull those words were wich I was saying I would stop saying them.... Because even though you hurt me sometimes ... you are a lagoon of happiness in my life... and I would never want to loose you.... That is because I love you so much ...

Another reason why  I should never be unkind to you is because you do not desereve any unkindness, or hardschip in life.

Because I just want you life to be full of light, love and happiness...

Let me just hope that lies with me.... your happiness... because I know my happiness is wherever you are... wherever you go and whenever I hear you speak....


Because no matter where I am... when I am in your arms I am home...
I love you

Falling

I know I love you,
But I am just not sure if you still love me too,

You leave me hanging like I am hanging on a cliff,
Ready to fall down to earth and die a painfull death ....

You do not understand where I am coming from,

You are the person where I seemed to have searched for all my life,
And now you are in my reach you are still so far away ...

I had a difficult life so far,
But that all seemd to faid when I looked into your eyes. ..

But now you leave me hanging,
You seem not certain if this is what you want.
If I am what you want.

But whatever your choise is...
Just make sure you know mine ...

I wil love you till the end of days ...
If there is something like reincarnation and I remember you even the slightest bit I will go looking for you .

I will die a thousand death's if it means I could be with you...

But a gazillion other things seem more important in your life ...

And even if everything else is more important that does not matter to me...
you are the one that matters,

You ;re the one that holds my heart ...

Just dont lose your grip or forget that I am hanging on a cliff

Just don't let me fall to the ground ...
Because if you let me fall to the ground ...
I know for sure a big piece of me will die ..

I love you and that is all what matters ....
Please just come back to me ...

So figure out what you want, if it is me or something else out of life ...
But just stop doing this to me ....

It hurts to much to see how unimportant I am
It hurts to damn much....
Like i am already falling and heading for the ground ...
I do not ask for much in life ...
All I ask you is ... Please do not let me fall and hit the ground ...

I love you ...

Thank you for taking care of me

I havent written for a long time
Because I just didn't know how or what I should write

I have been puzzeling and trying to find my way.
I have been lost lately not knowing what I do and what i don't want out of my life

but no matter how lost I get

I know I want to be with you

You can always make me smile,
Even when I would like to just dig a hole crawl into it and die
you make me want to open up,
even tho all I want to do is to crawl in a corner and cry all day long,

I have been sad not knowing what is my fault what happend to me in my life
And what is someone elses

I have been changing my view I had of the world

Sometimes I cry not knowing what I should be thinking or should be feeling,
Or when a feeling shows up out of my past,

When I remember that I opend up,
Like really opend up letting everything down that protected me and I got turned away
When I remember those times all I want to do is cry.... Just cry for what happend and what was

Now i found you I see that I love you
I see that I Miss you when you are not near...

It is weird it is like you are a pièce of me a happy one and that if you are not close to me I don't know where to turn

You are my safe haven,
My harbour where I can just be myself and show my pain without being laughed at or turned away....
Atleast I hope so

I apologize for it that I put that burden on you.....

That I put it on you to help me Guide me through my pain

To help me Find me who I am again
But the better version because you opended my eyes to other ways too perceive
To see myself as a better person...

You once asked if it helpen that you said nice things about me
yes it does,
It is hard to see it but I believe it when you tell me and look deep in too your eyes.
When I look in your eyes I believe I am all those things you say.
And every day I start believing it a little more even if you are not around me and I can't see your eyes, even then I simply believe that you really mean it and believing that makes comes easier to me every day ...... I hope I am not wrong for believing in it ?


You make me a better person
À proud person

But it is hard to find a new way,
Because I can't go back to my old self and old ways I realise that,

But finding a new path is hard and a struggle and that's I what you have seen me do the last few days.....

This is just a message so that everybody can read that I am thankfull that you stick with me even tho it has been hard for me lately ... Even though I have been Sad...

You have been there for me always making me smile,
Always making me laugh
And most Importantly to let me remember what good there is in me which you see,
That you help me remember that there is a reason to love the world Because you are in it, remember that even when I break someone .... Not just someone you Will be there to catch me and hold me... And care that I am Sad.....

I think that that is a important reason why I have been able to cry lately even though I havent been for years.....

I couldn't cry for years Because I knew nobody would care Or that they would be glad I was Crying Because that would mean they had won ....

But Now I know if I cry someone does care .... So Now I met you I can finaly start to heal and better myself.... Because I know you care... or atleast I believe you do

And for that I thank you very much ..... I love you.....

I'm sorry for what I might have done wrong

It is horrible,
When you know that the person you love,

That the person you care about is mad at you or indiffrent.
It is awfull to feel that lost to wonder.....


To just wonder is he still mad,
does he still love me,
am I still worth the things he thought I was worth before,

Because I know I was not worthy of it in the first place.

The thought of what he might be doing can be unbearable...
Did he found someone better then me ...

Because you just know he deserves better
and there are alot of better things out there then you...
you just wonder ...

if he finally found something better to do then waste you time on you...
when they become distant...

But even though these thoughts will keep me up all night...

I somewhere hope that he still loves me....
Still cares ... that the distance I feel is just a illusion..

Or do I just simply miss him so much that I imagine him being disant while he is in fact not...

All I know is that I love him and that he has my heart ...

So for whatever I did wrong ...
I hope that he could find within his heart the strength to forgive ,,,
That he may have sweet dreams tonight....
because I know I will be thinking of him...
and miss him tonight....

Smile - Uncle Kracker

You´re better then the best
I´m lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side of my pillow that´s right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Lets me know that it´s ok
Yeah it´s ok
And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall outta bed
Sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you´re gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall outta bed
Sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Don´t know how I lived without you
'Cuz every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall outta bed
Sing like bird
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile
Oh, you make me smile
Oh, you make me smile

love is everything

There was a time when I didn't believe love excisted.
And that if it was out there it would never be meant for me.

That is why I always thought that I would not go and try to find love,
Because if I would find it,
it would only hurt me,
or atleast so I thought

But then there was you,
At first a bit arrogant,
But when I got to know you with the purest heart

When you smile at me I melt away,
But that is not everything you challenge me,
You understand me,
and you say you love me ....

The last one I can just hope for it to be true,
Because for the rest I know for sure,
You are special really one of a kind,

I sometimes even think I found one of the last good guys,

So sometimes I look back uppon the time,
that I did believe in love but not for me in this life time,
But then there was you and you changed everything,


Me loving you changed me,
My life got rearranged,

You are everything to me,
So know that I love you,
And I can just hope you really love me too.

Footsteps

nobody can compare to you..

you are the best person I ever met

You are awesome and very close to perfect…

But you are already perfect for me.

You are great or at least, very close to become what will be great…

Because you are so great you cast a very big shadow,

Therefore everybody stands in your shadow

You are leaving a very big shoe print in my life when you walk in and out daily,

Not only in my life but in everyone’s.

Your shoe print is very big and it will leave an emptiness when you are gone

I will miss you always when you are not near…

And you say that I should do something else with my time when you are not around

Or be busy with someone else

but nobody  will ever be able to fill the footsteps you leave behind,

So as long you are not here …

There will be an emptiness inside of me…

Because you are perfect to me,

You are so great that nobody can compare to how great you are

And nothing, no matter what I do, or who I am with,

Nothing will stop me from missing you, because nobody is good enough compared to you..

And no hobby is nicer than being around you…

You are just so perfect for me 

Failure

Now I need you the most you are so far away...
I just need to hear your voice telling me everything will be okay ...
That you still love me,

Right now I don't feel good enough for anybody
And certainly not for you...

You are so amazing, so great ,...

And I,

I am nothing but a failure ...
Someone naggs and bitches when I feel down..

You were right not contacting me when I needed you.
I was in a dark place and I wouldn't have been nice to you.

You only deserve the best ...
I don't want you to see me in a dark place.
See the person I can be at times...

Because you are great and amazing,
Therefore I need to be great and amazing...
Or atleast try to be...
Even though I know I will fail...

Tonight I will be so lonely...
So cold...

Because I feel cold and lonely,
I feel worthless

But you are worth everything so I will keep working,

Keep working, working working, untill I come near to the person you deserve to have ,...

I love you

Not good enough

What I will be writing right now is very different then I usually write. This time I will be writing about my worries because right now I am very worried and annoyed so I had to write it down to be able to handle it… Because right now at this point I am just mad, sad and lonely

Being with you everything is always perfect… I love being with you more then I love to be anywhere else in the world.. But there is always one negative downside…. 

Parents I am worrying that you’re parents thing I am not good enough… and worrying that my parents think I am not smart enough to make my own choices (knowing that one of the choices I made is to be with you… nothing will change that because I am very happy with that choice)… worrying about my parents not letting me go and making the one good thing I have in my life … being you…. Very hard to enjoy…

 My mother suddenly out of the nowhere started complaining that I wasn’t answering her questions but I was …. And now she isn’t texting back so I assume she is mad or something like that…

It is just annoying how it seems that I can’t do anything right with anybody. Everybody wants me to make different choices, have another opinion… be more like that other person… Or basicly everybody wants me to be someone else…

And I tried I tried to be what everybody asked me I changed and changed… over and over again. But nothing ever seems enough. No matter how hard I try how much I change there is always something else they think is not right. Or not how they want it to be…

But nobody ever asks me to be just me … Because no matter how much flaws I have ( yes I have many flaws) they will still love me anyhow …

But that is not how the world works everybody wants me to change ,

And it is driving me crazy !!

Why doesn’t anyone accept me the way I am.. A bitchy person, with a little heart, who will be loyal to everybody who just loves her … who deserve my trust …

But no there is always something wrong with me and no matter how hard I try…

Everybody around me will be trying harder to find my faults…

And they will succeed because I have my faults a lot of them…

So I am going crazy …. I just wished I could talk to you right now because you always know the right thing to say….

But I can’t reach you at the moment…

So now I will just be going crazy …

And hope that I won’t lash out and hurt someone I love

Because everybody  deserves the best of me no matter if they keep throwing my faults in my face…

I hope I can talk to you soon so I can calm down and find my peace again…

And feel at my place again …. 

loving you

Every time I hear you’re heartbeat I feel happy.

Every time you tell you love me I am the luckiest girl In the world

I seriously hope you mean it when you say you love me …

Because it matters to me ..

Like nothing has ever mattered to me before…

I love you like I never loved somebody else.

You are the person I love the most in my life

So I hope I can stay with you…

So we can talk about our dreams… ‘

Our hopes …

Therefore I hope you know I don’t want to be without you no longer,

Not anymore …

I found my home the place where I belong…. 

A piece of me

Sometimes we hit rough patches… But you and I both know it will be fine.

Because whatever we go through we love each other and nothing is stronger than that

I love being with you… And when I am not near you

I feel empty inside,

Like something is missing,

Therefore I need you with me

Because when you’re not with me,

A piece of me is missing…

And not just a piece one of the more brighter parts …

I love you with all my heart…

And you are my heart

Thanks to you I want to be a better person,

Thanks to you I have a reason to love life….

Because life is loving someone and being loved…

And I know for sure that I love you ….