Wrong assumptions

Everybody who knows me knows I make a lot of assumptions… and it annoys the crap out of most people…

But I don’t assume anything to be happy about it because mostly the things I assume aren’t good.. but usually put a bright light on everything that could be wrong or bad.

I know not everybody deserves my wrong assumptions.. but I can’t help it.

Since I have been hurt so much by lies and gossip. I just need to know the truth

And if that means making my own truth or believe what I think because that person wont enlighten me what is really the truth I will have to believe in my assumptions… That is what I promised myself..

Only that way I wouldn’t be hurt anymore by the not knowing the truth or lies I make myself believe the worst because,

That only means it could turn out better than I thought.

You have to understand I wasn’t always like that I didn’t always assume the worst or the most dark side of people…

But once upon a time a long time ago it seems like a fairytale so far away …

I wasn’t like that .. I believed in the good..

I believed in the good of people and that they were truthfully to me

But that is a long time ago…

All that changed because people kept lying and badgering my good faith in them.

And a long long time ago I reached a point I couldn’t take it anymore and started to fill in the worst possibilities so it could only be better than I thought and that I couldn’t get hurt.

So I didn’t have to fear, be in in pain or distrust the truths people told me …

But you just might be that person who could change that part in me … As soon as I know you always tell the truth…

Because when I can trust your truthful I can rest my head in your arms and stop fighting the world..

Everybody should know how much I need to rest… it is like I haven’t rested in ages.

Like I have been running for my life and haven’t been able to stop.

Like I felt from one pain in the other, broke down build everything up again and as soon I was standing someone else would come along to break it down again.

But I am starting to get faith. Faith in the fact that you won’t break me down.

Every time you kiss me, every time you hold me tight. I just hope I am right because if I am wrong I will be shattered in so many pieces I don’t know if I would be ever able to fix myself then….

So know that every kiss, every touch, every word matters to me.. I opened up to you ..

Because I couldn’t stop it to let you in… Because my love for you is as bright as the sun shines on the brightest days….

But I see now that I hurt you with my wrong assumptions… and everybody else too… so it is selfish to keep protecting myself that way… I will try to change that because your worth everything… But just know I have been that way as long I can remember… But for you I will change… Do the one thing I promised myself to never do… I will be vulnerable again… Because your worth it

So when I change for you, because I want to take the change with you.. and not be so selfish anymore to just protect myself to protect my heart… Just know I don’t want to mess this up..

Remember that every time I make a mistake, or be hurtful towards you.

You want me to be the best I can.. To become a better person..

But that won’t happen with a lot of bumps in the roads and fights…

Just know that you touched my life in so many ways I cant describe.

You could just be the one I have been waiting for my whole life.. 

Or to be truthful I am past that stage I know you have been what I have been waiting for my whole life… so be patient with me …. And don’t say goodbye… Stay at my side…

Let me stay at your side the rest of my life.. Because I want to be with you. You’re a piece of me …

So know wherever you are… wherever we are in our life’s… I am still here for you…

Because I love you and always will..