New Year 's Eve

Today is the day of New Year’s Eve,

When the sun came up a new day started

And when the sun goes leaves is in the dark tonight when it goes down

A new year will be starting,

First of all I would like to wish you all a good new year,

That everything may be peaceful and full of happiness for every single one of you.

That for the people who have been going through a though time find a way to leave those behind them, and those who haven’t been the best person they could be that they will better themselves and therefore make the life of others better as well..

So be kind to the others around you threat the people the way you would want to be threated yourself. Make a promise to yourself to make yourself a better and nicer person to be around even though most of you already are good people I believe the people you love always deserve the best you got. Therefore I believe that everyone should promise themselves every year to become a better person, a kinder person even if it is just for a little while.

And for myself I of course promise myself to become a better person so the people I love will get the best, and only the best is what they deserve.

It is a New Year. Therefore a new beginning I will leave everything behind me what went wrong in 2011 and let it stay there. This new year is a new start for all of us.

2012 is important to me it is a new start for me, a new beginning for me, a new start where I waited for so long. And for the person I love who can’t be with me today. I love you a lot and I wished you were here I will be thinking of you and keeping your heart close to mine not only tonight and this day but for the rest of my life.  So know even though you’re not here I will be thinking of you and wish you the best for this new beginning this new year in which I hope we will spend a lot of time together.

That we will smile, laugh and even sometimes cry

But as long as I am with you everything ( I know it will),

Will be fine..

So I hope I see you soon in this new year that is approaching soon.

And to everyone else I wish you a blessed 2012.

Happy New Year’s 

The way to my heart you already found

I love you more every day,
My name I long for you to say every day.
Do you know just how deep my feelings are for you?
Do you know this love is real?

Sometimes I wonder what you think.
Do you wish to be by my side?
Do you dream about me every night?
Wish to hug me and hold me tight?
Do you think we're meant to be?
Together forever, you and me?


I already know the answers too the most of them,
but not on the most important one,
I wish to be always at your side,
And I dream often of you at night,
But even more then that I always wish for you to hug me and hold me thight.
But the  question is and will always remain do you think we are meant to be?
Together forever, you and me?
This is a question only you can give me the answer too.

These are the questions that run through my mind,
But these questions I will leave behind.
The way to my heart you did already find,
It drives me crazy as to what I should do,
With all the feelings I have for you,

I love you more than you could know,
And I don't want to ever let you go.
So just know that,
No matter what happens, no matter what the future holds for us,
As long as you want me
I'll always love you until the end.

you are the only one for me- Allure

Yeah ummm... yeay. I've gotten close so many times
Tryin to fit in I don't know why
I had to leave behind a dream that could be mine
I thought that I would never find
Someone who's heart could read my mine
Now I don't have to hide cuz you are in my life

I promise you that love won't be easy
I promise you there'll be times apart (apart)
But I swear that it comes from my heart
When I promise you're the only one for me
(for me.. yeah)

Sometimes I know it hard for you
Wondering if we'll make it through
But if you give me time
I'll show you that you're mine, I promise you

You showed me who I am, I know you understand
You taught me how to just not be afraid of love
I'm not afraid to look in your eyes
I surrender to love I open to nothing you anything inside

Realization

Today I came to the realization..
It was a big one and a difficult one to realize and admit for someone like me...

I realized something that has been lingering for quiet some time now ...
You could say I have known all along,
And when i look back at the past i would need to agree..

It is just that i wasn't ready to face it...
Don't get me wrong I didn't shove it away on purpose,

I think that is the self preservation I had build up.
Therefore I have been breaking it down lately.
And i happy I did

Because now i realize that i need you,
cant live my life without you,
Wont even live my life without you if i could,
Because i wouldn't want to.

I need you by my side.
Close to me.
To hear your voice night and day.

And when I cant have you with me night and day i will cry,
For having to miss you another day.

Therefore I hope in my heart that you know...
I realize I love you.

And I hope that you realize that i don't see a live without you anymore...
I belong to you and if your not around there is simply nothing left in my life,

Then the only thing that ever made me happy and made me smile would be ripped away,
So realize I love you and belong to you as long my heart will beat,
As long as I breath air,
I will be forever yours,
Because when you would leave there simply wont be anything left.

Just that moment counts

With the sunrise came your smile,

And as long nobody is around everything is fine... 

Then your mine world and I am (i think) yours,

But when somebody else is around it is another story,

Then i feel so insignificant at times ...

Therefore i sometimes think there is no point of being close,

Because you have other things on your mind,

But i cant let go of  you because your so perfect.. 

So perfect for me and i never want to let you go...

Therefore even when I feel so small,

So shattered and at a lose for words,

I know I want to be with you,

And i hope you will notice me soon when i am around ,

Wrap your arms around me and tell me everything will be fine ...

And no matter what moment, no matter what time ... 

As long you wrap your arms around me 

Everything will be fine ... 

So remember this trick because it will serve you well... 

If you want me happy just give me a smile ... 

But as soon as the moon rises in the night sky.. 

It all doesn't matter ... 

No matter how small i felt, or how insignificant.

If you wrap your arms around me,

Everything what hurt or shattered me i will forget,

Only that moment with your arms around me,

Nothing else but that moment matters at that point...

Therefore nothing what happened before that moment counts...

If you wrap your arms around me and smile towards me and say goodnight..

only then i can close my eyes in peace 

Because i know you will be watching over me tonight ...

sharing my life

flying

Everybody wants to just take of and fly away,
Leave all their problems behind.
So that is what i am doing..

Taking of to a new horizon.
Flying towards a new dream and a new destiny

 So let’s just take of an fly away…

Towards something better

Towards something new

And most importantly towards you

So i will fly towards you,

So whenever you look at the sky you will see me coming

Because i am flying their high up in the sky

Away from all the problems,

away from all the mess,

Towards a new dream

A new destiny 

And my own happy end.

my wil

My will has been my treasure,
the one who kept me save...

The thing that build me up,
when someone had broken me down.

But now i need to stop depending on my wil
because it only will hurt me,
even though it kept me safe for a long time.

Now there is something better,
now there is you,
And i need to pick hold on to the old and familiar road.
Or make a new path,
because holding on to my old ways will just hurt you and me both..

So i will pick you.. And let go of my safe familiar ways...

But i know it will all be worth it because your a guy everybody dreams of all their life..
And i will even give you my life if that is required..
Therefore i will hold you tight and not let you go again.

Almost Christmas...

It is almost Christmas... So i decided to whoever is listening to my story to wish you the best Christmas you can think of..

Be happy , be loved, live life, and be a bright spot in the heaven and shine your light that evening on who ever you love.

What i will do on Christmas is still unclear...
I think there are alot of options but not every option is as good as another...

So i still have to pick...

But i hope whatever i pick it is the right choice...
So i wont have any regrets..!
Because that would be just awful,

And i hope whatever I pick it is a place I will be welcome and will be able to be myself...
So i don't have to worry and can be the best person I can be and that for who ever is near me they would like to have me there so they have a great Christmas too!!

To make it a nice Christmas for whom ever who is near to me ...
Because Christmas is the time for hope, dreams and love.
And since i have been having alot of dreams ...
I hope one more comes true ... that everybody that is important to me has the best Christmas ever...

So to everybody who i love or who reads this blog a happy Christmas and make the most of it!

And to that one special person who holds my heart... be happy and feel my love wherever i am with this Holiday... Know that i love you and will be thinking of you ever second !!
And that whenever you will be wrapping your arms around me i will be happy, and it will be the best time ever and that  i will be home ...

Have a nice Christmas!!

crossroads

Today I have been working to let all the pain go…

I think I am on the right track of the road I need to walk on..

But “two steps forward is one step back is the saying.”

And that Is certainly true

Because I work as hard as I can to let my past go… But is hard enough

Now sometimes I am confronted by someone else’s past and of course in that past are things I dislike as well..

Or dislike is the wrong word…. Is hard to hear or hard to handle that is a better description of how I feel.

But you can’t judge someone by his or her past,… Then there is no walking forward with that person.

Therefore when that happens and you end up on that crossroad.

There is a choice you have to make..

The first option being you decide his/her past is too hard to deal with or to be confronted with .. and therefore you don’t believe him/her on his/ her word then the only option is and take my advice when you’re in that situation split up… You will never get over it if you don’t love him/ her enough all you guys will do is fight about everything especially the things you can’t get past…

The second option is, talk about everything and make sure that way everything is out in the open… Never lie about anything… because that will badger the trust the people who asked you the question irreversible, and from that point there is no turning back you had your chance.

 So be honest and open when you want and give answers then that is the only way. For me this is the best option because I really am a person who is attached to the truth.. And I can’t live with unanswered questions and not knowing therefore I ask a lot of questions… and even though I see it is hard for the other party sometime… As long they tell the truth and think I am worth it there is no problem… And if there is any pain at the other side by telling you these truths respect them that they are honest because that is what you asked for those answers… Therefore and that is the tricky part NEVER be mad if they tell you the truth because that is not what they deserve…  They are opening up to you most of the time at a big personal cost and if you then go whining and sulking about the fact that it is unfair they won’t ever tell you the truth again… And that is their good right.. So when you ask for questions don’t be pissed at the answers … (unless you find out he/ she lied ofcourse)

Then of course there is a third option… Stop being so difficult if you can put it behind you with knowing as less as possible, what you don’t know can’t hurt you… so let the past be the past and judge the present… I wish I had it in me to be that way…

So I am on the right track but like I said still a long way to go…

Thank god the people I care for answer my questions even if it is at a big personal cost (or at least I think they do… and I hope their truthful…)

I hope that the people I care for understand this story and understand where I am coming from.

And like I asked so many times before already be patience with me… I can’t help it…

I am doing the best I can…

But it is hard to be confronted by things….

But then you have to make a choice….

And I made mine …

I choose the path of love… even if it comes with pain sometimes…

I pick you….  So be  truthful please that is the only thing I ask for (and of course the patience)

And now I picked for you I will go all the way ..  So be aware where you stepped into :P

I won’t let you go anymore. .. 

Quote

Best quote i heard all month... i Just had to share it ... It is full of wisdom..

Sadness,

Today my past catched up with me
And i couldnt hold on anymore...
Thankfully there was someone to catch me at that time...
Which i never expected anyone would...

But it took his tole...
My sadness went but in place came the loneliness

The person who caught me couldn’t bear the power of the holes in my soul…

And he sees his mistake with me …

That I am to damaged to hurt to be able to be normal..

Therefore I’m to fragile even though I mostly pretend to be this strong powerful women.

But actually all I need is to heal…

Someone to help me heal…

But at this pace I don’t think it ever will happen.

So once again I will pretend to be powerful and strong willed..

Lift my head up high… And walk through life like I have everything under control…

While loneliness comes over me and slowely eats me up at the inside….

Wrong assumptions

Everybody who knows me knows I make a lot of assumptions… and it annoys the crap out of most people…

But I don’t assume anything to be happy about it because mostly the things I assume aren’t good.. but usually put a bright light on everything that could be wrong or bad.

I know not everybody deserves my wrong assumptions.. but I can’t help it.

Since I have been hurt so much by lies and gossip. I just need to know the truth

And if that means making my own truth or believe what I think because that person wont enlighten me what is really the truth I will have to believe in my assumptions… That is what I promised myself..

Only that way I wouldn’t be hurt anymore by the not knowing the truth or lies I make myself believe the worst because,

That only means it could turn out better than I thought.

You have to understand I wasn’t always like that I didn’t always assume the worst or the most dark side of people…

But once upon a time a long time ago it seems like a fairytale so far away …

I wasn’t like that .. I believed in the good..

I believed in the good of people and that they were truthfully to me

But that is a long time ago…

All that changed because people kept lying and badgering my good faith in them.

And a long long time ago I reached a point I couldn’t take it anymore and started to fill in the worst possibilities so it could only be better than I thought and that I couldn’t get hurt.

So I didn’t have to fear, be in in pain or distrust the truths people told me …

But you just might be that person who could change that part in me … As soon as I know you always tell the truth…

Because when I can trust your truthful I can rest my head in your arms and stop fighting the world..

Everybody should know how much I need to rest… it is like I haven’t rested in ages.

Like I have been running for my life and haven’t been able to stop.

Like I felt from one pain in the other, broke down build everything up again and as soon I was standing someone else would come along to break it down again.

But I am starting to get faith. Faith in the fact that you won’t break me down.

Every time you kiss me, every time you hold me tight. I just hope I am right because if I am wrong I will be shattered in so many pieces I don’t know if I would be ever able to fix myself then….

So know that every kiss, every touch, every word matters to me.. I opened up to you ..

Because I couldn’t stop it to let you in… Because my love for you is as bright as the sun shines on the brightest days….

But I see now that I hurt you with my wrong assumptions… and everybody else too… so it is selfish to keep protecting myself that way… I will try to change that because your worth everything… But just know I have been that way as long I can remember… But for you I will change… Do the one thing I promised myself to never do… I will be vulnerable again… Because your worth it

So when I change for you, because I want to take the change with you.. and not be so selfish anymore to just protect myself to protect my heart… Just know I don’t want to mess this up..

Remember that every time I make a mistake, or be hurtful towards you.

You want me to be the best I can.. To become a better person..

But that won’t happen with a lot of bumps in the roads and fights…

Just know that you touched my life in so many ways I cant describe.

You could just be the one I have been waiting for my whole life.. 

Or to be truthful I am past that stage I know you have been what I have been waiting for my whole life… so be patient with me …. And don’t say goodbye… Stay at my side…

Let me stay at your side the rest of my life.. Because I want to be with you. You’re a piece of me …

So know wherever you are… wherever we are in our life’s… I am still here for you…

Because I love you and always will..